I have spent time almost in despair and racking my soul about the notion of vocation. Some will tell me that you have to be in the “true Church”, otherwise you are nothing and might as well die. There was a day in early 1997 when I was a working guest at an abbey in France, expiating my “apostasy”, when I actually wanted to die. I remembered that something like that happened with the Prophet Elijah! My prayer was not heard, and I am still here.

And so it happened again with some of us in the TAC as our bishops willed their flocks over the Tiber. I won’t go into the subject except from this more reflective point of view. Some went to the Ordinariate, others regrouped. What else is there to be said, except that some of us were left behind because we were Rome’s trash? Fair enough. They have their rules and they have no reason to think they should be bothered about personal tragedies. We live another failure and rejoice in the “success” of others – who must themselves assume the consequences of their choice.

The Gospel calls us to humility and to suffer with those who suffer. Most people have to live without a spiritual identity and sometimes without any identity at all. We live in an age of alienated people, the great majority of whom are far from any church. The “independents”, at least those not traipsing around in Gammarelli finery and calling themselves The Most Reverend High-and-Mighty, have left me with many sober reflections. We have not to compare ourselves with others and covet what might be for us a curse. Humility is the way to go, not going and allowing ourselves to be annihilated by those who want us to wish we were dead, but taking our place in this poor world waiting for God.

We may often wonder if there is a “market” for priests. There may be no one interested in coming to our little “tat shop” chapel and attending a strange religious service – but people are in need one way or another. The occasions may be rare and punctual. Ministry is not an “ongoing thing”, but being there, being available for any good we can do. Our response to these needs is rarely religious, for example helping a man to haul his boat up from the beach, and doing it from love of Jesus and solidarity with all. The person I help might just see an act of solidarity and someone being nice to him. For me it is a priestly act. And then I beached my boat, and there was Jesus holding my beach trolley just by the water! He didn’t look like Jesus but an ordinary guy of about 60 years old – but to me, I helped him and he came to my aid. Every little gem of humanity, solidarity and love is of infinite value.

If ministry is ramming ideas down people’s throats, forget it! We are over-saturated with information, especially from TV and advertising. God is present in acts of love and not in words about being “born again” or “converting to the true church”. The Church is everywhere, and so is God, under each pebble, wave of the sea and every little aspect of our lives anywhere.

We are called to be an invisible leaven of contemplative life, but yet always there in the world and ready for any kind of service. Need it be any more complicated than that?